Can’t lie to you folks, I took two days off from Liber F on
Friday and Saturday. No excuses, just me being a lazy bitch. But I was back at
it today.
I lit one of my Babalon candles, and burnt some incense. I
had chosen to play some of this bad-ass Polish folk music as my background. It’s
got some amazing violin playing, like “sold your soul to the devil to play this
good” kind of playing.
I was shaking my bone rattle along with the music, and
something triggered, I don’t know, an awakening of genetic memory? Gradually,
the incense began to smell like a campfire. I had a strong image of a woman
dancing in front of that fire, her amazing figure silhouetted in the flames. I
felt the sharp texture of the bone acutely in my hand, and I could see the long
line of human beings like me, who for hundreds of thousands of years gathered on
the hilltops, made fire, took the sacrament, played the drums, and danced. We
have always done this. Some of us will always do this. Our numbers are small,
comparatively. But brother, I’m gonna tell you, you have not lived unless you’ve
watched a couple hundred naked Thelemites dancing around a fire in the woods.
So last night I was preparing to meditate, and I wanted a
candle to watch as I did so, to add to the trance state. I looked at my
ancestor altar, and wasn’t feeling it. I looked at my Babalon shrine with all
her candles and I seriously considered it, but nah. I looked to my shrine of my
main man, Thoth. The god who has always been good to me and has seldom given me
bad advice. So I lit one of his candles and did my thing.
My thing being playing a bone rattle for about fifteen
minutes. While I did I had a vision of myself, at least someone I once was. I
was a terribly thin man, his bones sticking out against his dark skin of deep
reddish-brown. He was sitting on a comfortable blanket of rainbow colored
weave. I looked up and saw myself to be in a temple, like Karnak, with many
carved pillars. But it was more of a courtyard without a ceiling, and the sand
blew through on gentle night breeze. I was sitting with my brethren, all of
them priests of Thoth. Many had shaven their heads as I had. We were all high
as fuck, having drunk a couple of jugs of lotus wine, and we were all sitting in
front of a small brazier in which we burnt cannabis.
And we were having a good fucking time! We were all jamming
on some kind of drum, or rattle, or even just banging together sticks. We all
played like fools smiling and laughing and gazing up at the stars.
Then today I find out about the mummy of a priest of Thoth
being found in Egypt. I’m not saying the vision coincided with the event. It
was found back in February, but I only now first heard of it. I think it was a
reward from Thoth for playing for him. Because knowledge itself is a reward
which I enjoy deeply.
Many magi have quite the ego. I am not an exception. It
requires a certain amount of hutzpah to write a book on magick and believe it
worthy to be added to the already massive corpus of knowledge on the subject.
Proclaiming one’s station and ability, however over inflated those claims, is
part of the tradition. Not all spirits are friendly. Some need to be
intimidated. The magus does this by listing their position, their lineage, and
their allies in the spirit world.
Is it all bullshit? Yes, and no. At least in my case. I
freely admit I am a lazy and undisciplined ass who preaches more than he
practices. That needs to end now.
Almost all magical systems start off by giving a perspective
initiate a system of exercises meant to build up their skills in achieving
altered states of consciousness and develop a means of magical self-defense.
These skills are vital for any magus. In fact, I wrote my own prescribed
exercises specifically for Emergent Magick (EMK).I call it Liber F, or Liber
Fodienda, Latin for “The Book of Mining.”Named after one of the core
principles of EMK— “The Citadel of Emergent Magick is built from stone mined through
the disciplines of yoga.”
Time for full disclosure. I hope this makes some people feel
better about themselves and shatters the illusion that any of us are perfect.
I’m doing this from memory so most likely there have been many more failures
not listed. Here is my history of working various systems of magical
exercise.
Golden Dawn System – I’m pretty sure the first system I tried was the GD
system from Israel Regardie’s big book o’ Golden Dawn. That was a mistake for a
lot of reasons. Let’s just say I’m not built for Kabbalah, at least not
anything beyond the basics. I made it through one-and-a-half chapters, then
gave up. Did not complete.
Liber MMM – AKA, Liber Null, the pretty much universally
accepted program for chaos magick. First time out, I did the first three
exercises and then stopped. More on this one later.
Donald Michael Kraig’s Modern Magick – It’s a great system which
I highly recommend. It draws from multiple classic sources. I got to the part
where he has you make your own robe and noped out. Did not complete.
Liber MMM – Again. Actually got through the majority of it
but was not consistent.
Liber O – Crowley’s own program for aspiring adapts. Back
when I thought I would apply to the A.’.A.’.
Made it through two of the exercises and remembered why Crowley annoys
the fuck out of me.
Liber MMM – Again. But this time around my application to
the Illuminates of Thanateros had been accepted. I worked MMM to completion, in
order, for six solid months. I knew what I wanted at the time, and I went for
it. Probably the single most important turning point in my magical career. I
did it. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. At the time my temple was in my garage, and I went
through the program in the middle of winter. No matter how tired, upset,
discouraged, and downright exhausted I was, I kept going into that freezing
cold garage every night. It’s the way it needs to be done. There are no
shortcuts. I call it the Karate Kid method of training. “Wax on-wax off.” You
have no idea why you are doing it, but in the end you WILL have the skills you
need. Understand, I HATE not knowing why I am doing something. I was the kid
who always asked why. To this day I can’t tell you exactly why the exercises
must be done that way, but you have to trust me, they do. You will understand
once you become a dedicated magi. Even with all my power over words I can’t
explain this Mystery. At the time I also had a new job in social work which was
emotionally draining. I had a nervous breakdown right in the middle of the
training and I just kept doing it. Success! But not complete success. After my
initiation, I swore to myself I would keep doing it every day and sure as shit
almost immediately dropped off daily practice once I got into the IOT. I’m that
dumb.
After that, I have tried to restart a number of magical
exercise programs and never completed them. But here is my ultimate shame. I
wrote Liber F so that any individual, even someone totally new to the occult,
could read the Emergent Magick book and get what they needed to start. After writing
it, I reasoned (correctly) that if I was going to advocate for a magical
exercise program I should probably actually have done it. So I started working
Liber F personally, and yep, you guessed it, did not finish. So I’m a
hypocritical prick. Though the truth is a little more complex. I do honestly
believe that Liber F is a good program because most of it is just outright
stolen from other systems. The only difference being that the exercises
contained help orient the participant towards group practice, which few of the
others do. So if you are thinking of doing Liber F, by all means give it a try.
I am.
Yep, I’m gonna start again. I’m gonna work Liber F in its
entirety for the next six months, because I need to be a better magician. I
won’t be doing a daily journal. If you are about to undertake one of these programs
they all recommend you do that, and you should. I did when I actually completed
MMM. But the truth is, I’m not a novice. I’m by no means a master, but I have
enough miles in that I know keeping a daily journal won’t be that much benefit.
If you are looking for an example of what such a journal might look like, feel
free to check out my now defunct blog – http://magicalrecord.tumblr.com/
It worked for me at the time, but I would certainly use a different format if I
wanted to do it again. I will, however, keep a notebook handy and will write
down the good shit that comes to me and share it with you here as it pertains
to Emergent Animism.
So go forth! Do your daily spiritual and physical exercise.
Drink plenty of water. Get some sleep. Take care of yourself because the ride
is just gonna get more intense. Get your shit together, and if you need to, put
it in a backpack. That’s what I will be doing.
